Dov's Guide to Lack of Success
If at a bar:
  Do not initiate eye contact. Wait for the girl to make eye contact with you. However, since you are not to look at the girl in either case, eye contact is impossible. This is normal.  
  Do not initiate communication. Girls don't like it when guys talk to them. They go to bars only to overpay for drinks and crouch over filthy toilet seats.  
  If you DO initiate contact with the girl, and she reacts in a positive way, don't be fooled. She just likes the attention, and you could be anyone. Why, you could even be Max Headroom -- it wouldn't matter to her.  
  If two cute girls express interest in you, and offer for you to enter the restroom with them to do coke and make out, refuse. Regret is more manageable than success.  
If at a party:
  Find one spot, and remain there. Normal party circulation will ensure that all girls present will eventually see you and pass harsh judgment on you in their own minds.  
  If a girl initiates communication, don't be fooled. She just wants to make sure everyone is having a good time. Either that or she's probably only in town for a couple of days. Don't get your hopes up!  
  If a girl gives you her phone number, it means she already has a boyfriend and just want to keep you around to help with her computer or something.  
If online:
  Find the cutest, most outgoing girl you can, charm her into liking you, go out with her, and just when you sense she's yours, tell her you're not interested. It probably wasn't going to work out anyway.  
  For all girls you meet and are unsuccessful with, keep them around as friends. Remember, there is no one better to teach you how to be successfully unsuccessful than a girl you were unsuccessful with!